Man, I never thought I’d write about relationships. But how could I escape it, when life is made up of relationships with others? We all need to be around people unless we live under a rock. Even Patrick Star has Spongebob.
Well, I’m talking about a certain type of relationship: a romantic one. That special someone to share your life with. Lots of people have told me that relationships are hard. What would I know? I’ve never been in one. I do know what is hard, though. Liking someone and getting over it when they don’t feel the same way about you.
I’d known this dude for around a year and liked him for almost just as long. But ya girl kept things to herself and was always “too busy to be thinking about a relationship” so nothing happened. Until the dude told me to go for a personal development course. Out of that, I finally got the courage to tell him.
It didn’t end well, but I thought I was fine. It turns out that I’d somehow automatically stuffed my feelings deep, deep down and protected myself by going “everything’s okay”. Heck no, it was not. One day I woke up feeling anxious. My heart was pounding like crazy. Minutes later I found myself having an ugly cry outta nowhere and my chest physically hurt. I wondered what the heck was going on.
I realised that I’d held all the sadness back. When I finally let it flow freely and let myself feel all of it, I got a strange sense of peace and calm.
Not that it meant that all was fine and dandy. My mind still went crazy from time to time with negative thought spirals and judgments, tainting the beautiful memories we’d had with lots of ugliness because I was upset. I’m glad that I had the ability to become aware of this and not let it consume me. Otherwise, I might’ve cut the dude out of my life with all the stories I’d made up about him (mostly along the lines of being a huge-ass jerk).
It took some time, but I finally managed to let what happened, well, be just that. And not make it mean anything about him, about me, or about us. He’s still awesome, and we’re still friends. I’m still awesome, and there’s someone for me out there.
I’m grateful that I got the opportunity to learn and grow from this experience. Honestly, I don’t think that heartbreak will ever not hurt. How could it, when you’ve formed some kind of emotional attachment to another human being? But now I know that it’s okay to feel whatever comes up and move on.
As fate would have it, I soon learned what it felt like to be on the other side. Just months after, I had to tell a guy who liked me that I didn’t feel the same way. I gave it a good shot, but the chemistry just wasn’t there. And I told the guy exactly that because I knew just how warped your perception can be when you like someone. I didn’t want to accidentally lead him on. Thankfully, this guy had the maturity to deal with the situation, and we’re still friends.
I also finally understood why the dude I’d liked had seemed so nonchalant about it all (I’d felt pissed off and hurt by this… WHAT A JERK lol) because there just wasn’t the same amount of emotional investment to warrant any reaction. Sad but true, and it doesn’t mean anything. It’s just how it is.
Moving on, carrying the lessons that I’ve learned from this whole saga, I’m on the lookout for that special someone. Here’s a list of characteristics for my ideal partner:
- Physically fit, cares about their health, exercise + diet
- Taller than me (I’m 163cm)
- Expresses emotions, open with how they feel
- Can have open and honest conversations about deep and meaningful stuff
- Not shy about showing affection in public
- Entrepreneurial mindset, not pursuing a conventional career or having an employee mindset
- Loves learning and developing themselves in their free time
- Likes to spend time in nature, explore new places, go on adventures
- Has a grip on their finances and an abundance mindset
- Has strong bonds with their family
- Has close friends who are good influences on them
- Won’t pressure me to have children if they want them
- Believes in the law of attraction
- Knows about being present
- Helps out with chores, doesn’t have stereotypical gendered expectations
- Pushes me to be a better version of myself and inspires me
- Has a vision for the future which includes creating positive social impact with whatever they do
- Thoughtful and does things that show that they care
- Knows how to have fun and makes me laugh
If this sounds like you, or if you know of anyone who ticks off most of this list (I know it’s long, it can be a work in progress), hit me up! 😉